just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
