i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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