I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
