i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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