one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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