Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
