I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
