It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
