im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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