I think my vagina is haunted
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
