Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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