well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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