So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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