I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
