Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
