was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
