i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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