so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
