I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
