I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
