She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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