My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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