I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
