Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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