didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
