I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
