haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
