Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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