I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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