You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
