I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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