I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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