i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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