she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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