So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
