How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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