listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the condom got lost in my hair
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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