I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize