i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
They are going to name an STD after you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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