I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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