when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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