The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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