i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
