I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
