You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
