I'm eating all of the evidence.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
