I skipped work to stalk him.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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