wat bout pragnant strippers??
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
