Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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