i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
