I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
