called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
