20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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