You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
