Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
then he tried to convert me to islam
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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