Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
dude. I can hear the air.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
