i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
