Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
