I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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