Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
