Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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