You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
