my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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