Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
