Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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