You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
