I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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