dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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