just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Quick, to the slutcave!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
