I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
