You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
