I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
