the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
