Fuck appropriateness.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
