If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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