Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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