My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
