You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
