lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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