For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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