I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
