lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
