i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found the puke drawer
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
