My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Floor bacon is actually really good
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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