how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
