i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think my vagina is haunted
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
