I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
