Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
