I think my fart just growled at me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
