Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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