there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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