i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
