hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
