Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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