WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
