yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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