I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
