The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
