Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize