I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
