Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
