OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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