Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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