You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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