Plan B is the new Plan A
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
