well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
