Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
