I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My penis needs a shock collar
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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